The One Eye and I

Everyone has that day which sticks out to him or her more than it does to most people. Whether it’s his or her wedding day, birthday, day someone passed, or a tragic event, many people have more than one. So you’re probably thinking back on that day now and either smiling or getting a little emotional; that’s totally normal, believe me. So you might be wondering why I’m bringing this up. Well if you’re going to be reading my blog and/or checking out my photos, I want you to get a little glimpse of who I am and how I got to be here.

March 11th 2005 is a day I consider to have changed my life forever. I was 10. Yes, at 10 years old I could say that regardless of how old I live to be, I will look back on this day and remember; life's a rollercoaster, with ups and downs, good times and bad, living life to every moment is a must.

It was a snowy, cold, miserable Wisconsin evening and chubby, little 5’ Angie thought she was the coolest kid in school since she won a juice box for winning lightning at the 4th grade school lock-in. That glory all changed when she was driving home with her mom, brother and best friend. That’s when the black ice snuck up on them. That’s when the minivan decided the best place to go was the utility pole in the ditch. That’s when all movement stopped. Right where I was sitting. Do I remember it? No. Do I remember my mom sitting on me when my head was gushing blood while I was screaming I can’t see out of my left eye? No. What I do remember is the blood on the seat in front of me. The 2-hour ambulance ride to UW Children's Hospital that normally would take 30 minutes. Seeing my oldest brother with tears in his eyes looking at me while I was on the stretcher. That’s when I knew it was serious. That’s what I remember. That’s what I see every time I hear about an accident. Randomly there are times when I get the urge to want to hug my parents; tell them how much I love them. That’s why I get nervous every time I get in a car. That’s why I am who I am today.

​ The synopsis of the accident resulted in me fracturing my skull, getting blood on my brain and what I carry around still is; I am blind in my left eye. You see, when we hit the pole somehow I pinched my optic nerve, which is the main nerve that is connected to the retina and is what allows you to see.

Now I’m not going to lie and say that I was totally OK with it when it happened. Well, actually I never really noticed at first. I was fortunate enough to have it happen when I was so young that it didn’t mess up my depth perception. Why that is? I ask myself that every day. It was when my brothers good friend was killed in a car accident similar to mine about 3 years later, that is when I started asking all the questions. The killer question which I still fight myself asking is “Why me?” Why did I survive and not him? Why did this happen to me? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Getting frustrated, angry, bitter and every other feeling one could imagine. And so many more questions. Questions that I can’t even fathom to think about anymore. I know you may have asked yourself this ​same question of “Why Me?”. Whether it’s in a similar situation or a totally different one. Regardless it still hurts just as much. There are those people that would tell me how I should feel or how I can’t be so hard on myself. But despite the efforts, it never helped. I tried to see their perspective and tried understanding but it never worked. After many years of fighting with myself, taking in some advice that opened my eyes (or actually eye.) I started to figure it out. I will never fully understand it but I’m trying and I believe that’s the only thing I can do.

I did get advice from someone and I would like to share this story. Looking back now and after all the hate and bitterness I had toward this person, her one question changed my life. It was my Freshman or Sophomore year (100ish years ago) and I was overthinking like I had (and still have) the tendency to do. Now I had talked to this person quite a bit before about what I was feeling and what my thought process was at the time. It wasn’t just this random stranger who came up to me and told me their two-sense. Anyways, it was after some kind of sports practice when we were talking and I was having a down day and all she said was “I know you’re going to hate me for asking this, but… ‘When are you going to stop feeling sorry for yourself?”

Now it wasn’t until weeks, months, even years later that that simple question would be a question I continue to ask myself. Did I hate her when she asked? That would be an understatement. Was I caught off guard? Absolutely. I was NOT feeling sorry for myself. So I didn’t think I was anyways. Until I really thought about how my actions do affect the people around me. How I was being selfish for not realizing that I really did have the best support a girl could possibly ask for. But will I continue to thank her for opening my mind and perspective? You betcha. (I had to through that Midwestern slang in here) So to the person reading this who has probably forgotten they even asked me that question. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart.

She is one of the many people I have to thank though. It’s amazing looking back on my short 21 years of existence and realizing all of the amazing people who have helped me in this crazy adventure we call life. My family who never left my side. Who continues to push me to the best I can be. Regardless of how many walls I hit. (And I do mean that quite literally.) To my friends. The friends I had at the time, to the ones I have met even in the past month and all of those in between. The support you may not even realize you give; is something I will forever be in debt to you for. To the coaches, teachers, and professors. Every one of you have pushed me whenever I doubted myself. You made me believe in myself. And to you reading this at this very moment. You are the person I owe. You made it through my first blog post ever and that honestly means the absolute world to me. Thank You. So to those who would like to talk more, whether it’s about a struggle you face, wanting to learn more about yours truly, or even just talk about the weather. I’m open to it all! So please, don’t hesitate to ask. I would love to get to know you too! :)

#CarAccident #Eye #Pole #Hospital